You're so nebulous sometimes
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
