I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
