I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
