saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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