And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
