I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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