You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
