Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
