OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize