i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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