Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
