A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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