ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
