ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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