Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
