The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
