Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I FOUND THE LEGS
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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