In the future we'll all be gay
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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