Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
