Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize