I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
