And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
