She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just had sex bonerless
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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