It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
