I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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