What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
