Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
