I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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