He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
