It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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