Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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