loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
