ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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