I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
