so that wasnt chicken after all
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
