i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
