So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
