He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
