what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
