I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
