No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
