remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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