i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
