I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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