so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
