NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
