I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
