Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
