I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
