she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize