did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am available for nakedness
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
