i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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