3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
