Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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