I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
