I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
