a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
