My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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