Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
