so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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