Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
