my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
